Well Neil threw his 40th bash at the golf club tonight, and we all dressed up, I was a pirate, surprise, curled my hair though and wore a different shirt, it was more frilly and very seethrough, eeb. I walked past some guys and they said "oooh arrr." Crazy people.

Overall, it was a goodnight, we all karaoked our hearts out, and even when the karaoke guys had packed up and left, continued to sing.

The downside of the night is just hitting me, as at the time I point blank refused to let it ruin my partying.

So now i'm home I can think about it and get as upset as I like, sleep on it, then wake up feeling grouchy and in need of vast amounts of tea.

Bam told me, quote/unquote, 'You're looking fucking gorgeous, Jake was an imbecile to dump you.'

What he didn't realise was that Katie, my cousin, and his fiance, was standing right behind him.

Who got the cold shoulder all night? Me

Thankyou Katie.

As the night progressed people were drunk and singing, I went to the toilet, Bam followed me and asked how I was. Auntie Debs appears out of nowhere, Bam walks away, Auntie Debbie says to me, in a somewhat suspicious tone "What were you two talking about."

Making it pretty obvious to me that Kate must have said something to her, or she drew her own conclusions from the way Bam was acting.

Thankyou Auntie Debbie.

The thing is Bam had been telling me it was me he wants and not Katie and then saying he was just messing about, but then said he was being serious and was going to prove it at Neil's 40th, which was tonight. I've spent the past few weeks worrying and stressing that he would try something and it would be turned on me, because it is always my fault. I told mum what he said and she told me to back right off, and I have, I havn't spoken to him since he told me he wanted me unless i've had to. Like tonight for instance, he kept trying to hug me and I kept refusing then realised people thought something was wrong because I never refuse hugs off anyone. So I had to endure hugs from him all night. Mum kept going "he's watching you y'know"

I don't know what to do, i'm just letting Kate find out for herself what an ass he is, and even if she doesn't, if she's going to blame me for her boyfriend finding me attractive, then I really don't care.

And after saying all that, I don't want to be paranoid that my auntie sounds suspicious and that my cousin was giving me the shit eye and ignoring me all evening.

My gut feelings have never been wrong yet